Today is my 6year-iversary with Elliott. We will meet at the same time and location as our very first (match.com) blind date. We do it every year, even though it’s a restaurant we don’t frequent any longer. Then, a night at Chrysalis Inn, overlooking the water. That was the surprise, but he already guessed so it’s not a surprise anymore.

It’s hard to believe it’s been so long. The most awesome thing about Elliott though, is that neither of us have to be a certain role to each other. We get to change, grow, do new things, and it’s not threatening. Elliott is doing a ton of new stuff this year, in terms of personal growth and changing what he might want out of life. So am I. The way you know you’re with the right person? They support it, even if it’s NOT something you do together. Heh, funny how that can be sort of akin to polyamory, in that you are developing interests that are separate from each other. But I will always say that the #1 thing I hated about polyamory was schedule maintenance.

6 years, and I look at where we were when we met, and where we are now, and I’m staggered at what we’ve accomplished. I know I haven’t shared any of those accomplishments and changes, I haven’t been around here much in a long time. I needed time to heal from things. Because my personal life was so wrapped up into JG, it was hard to continue at the time. And for a long time, I had nothing to share with anyone, because I needed to keep it all for myself. If that makes sense.

Anyhow, I am looking forward to my 5:30 date tomorrow night with my dearest, darling love. Almost as much as I’m looking forward to the next 6 (or 60, if we get to live really long) years.

~janie

Blah. So I absolutely hate to say it, but Twitter is kinda… FUN. Grrrr.

Twitter feed there – updates there may be from any of us at JG. Still figuring that out. Have I joined the new decade, or am I just late to the old one? What does Fergie say? “I’m so 3008, you so 2000 and late?” Reverse that for me.

So I have a ton of ideas for what I want to do differently as we revive and remake the site here. One is of course having user accounts. A place to store your bookmarks, a way for readers to be able to comment and/or rate sites themselves, and so on. That is one part of the remake plan that I’m pretty excited about. Years and years ago, it’s something my former partner and I talked about doing endlessly, but the amount of programming required was just too time consuming for a little place run by 4 people. Now, it’s still a little place run by 4 or so people, but the sheer amount of technology available to license and then customize makes such a thing totally do-able.

So here is my question to you, dear readers who have stuck with me for all of these years: what would YOU like to see if you could create a user account here at JG? Just a place to store bookmarks? A way to write your own reviews or comments about sites? A place to post photos? the ability to friend other users? I’m trying to flesh out our ideas so we can proceed. Send me an email, or leave a comment here, and let me know your ideas.

A supportive reader wrote me this morning (hi, FT!) and asked what about our site was different. I’ve been looking around at what other sites of my ilk are doing, and the one thing that has always been different about us is simply that we review ALL kinds of stuff. Most review sites only do mainstream porn, and only paysites. I like that we include everything from blogs to phonesex to educational/informational. That is one thing that will not change. Oh, and I also think we’re a hell of a lot more sex positive in general. Another thing that won’t change. And if we do decide on users being able to create accounts, the TOS are definitely going to be strict about not being an asshole. One of the things that makes me cringe the most is going to a site that allows user comments and seeing just crude, awful things being said about the performers on various sites. For every person who seems to find it a personal affront that there is more than one standard of beauty, is another person who appreciates that non-mainstream beauty.

Anyhow… back to work, I’m actually getting really excited about some of our plans. :)

~Janie

After more than a year, I read a “consultant’s” opinion of JG. Yes, you read that right. And while certain consultant is lovely and prolific, that didn’t make her take less 1. infuriating at what she was massively off-base on and 2. painful at what she had dead-on. Oh. and 3. bewildering in my attempt to stay current that made me (JG) (4.) “no longer credible’.

yeah. I admit, I’ve been skating for 6 years. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less when at one point I was not only taking quite a bit of heat for “destroying” the adult industry, but also had zero social network to prop me up.

~janie

oh, hey: can I have “team janie” now? (if I need to explain that, comment me)

Absolutely love what Matisse had to say in her blog today – I couldn’t agree more wholeheartedly. I knew a few people when I was more active in the community who attempted the dynamic she is warning about. I never saw it end well.

I never tried to do the whole 24/7 thing in my life. I realized a long time ago that I am a bedroom player. I did have a semi-long relationship where the dynamic pretty much existed whenever we were together, but it mostly worked because we weren’t together all that much. There was no sustaining anything day to day. When my former partner wanted to introduce that towards the end of our relationship, it was mostly, I think, an attempt to keep the relationship going. An unhealthy attempt, kind of like how some people whose relationships aren’t working decide to have a child together or something, because that’ll make it better.

Hint: adding another stressor, even one that is supposedly going to be bonding, is not a great idea in a sinking-ship relationship. heh.

And moving on: I always watch Jon Stewart and Colbert in the mornings (taped from the night before) while I snuggle with doggie and sip the first cup of coffee of the morning. Today Colbert was especially good. First, because of today’s (last night’s) WORD, I now know that ijustmadelove.com exists. Basically, it’s yet another thing where you can broadcast details of your life. Did you just make love? Was it on a boat? In a car? And the cute little icons look like the player pieces from a LIFE game.

I actually am so sick of “social media” that I could scream. Yes, I have a Facebook account. And Twitter. AAG has been doing them for the site for the past year or so. I just can’t bring myself to start posting. I login to Facebook only because I got addicted to a stupid game on it. I log in, play it, and log back out immediately. I guess I just don’t get it. There is such a stream of mostly useless information, all of these things just seem designed to make us even more ADD than we already are. In Elliott’s world, all of the tech conferences these days are about social media.

I have one friend who briefly worked for a supposedly multi-million dollar, uber-successful social media company in our town. She worked there for a month and never got paid. It’s all smoke and mirrors, is what I actually think. I don’t know, maybe I am just a dinosaur in the whole world of online. I’ve been online since it was only usenet groups, and I’ve seen a lot of fads come and go. And here is what I think: I don’t want to be a fan of Target on Facebook. I don’t want to follow Sears Twitter feed. I cannot think of a single person or business that I find so compelling as to want to follow it’s random snippets of stuff sent out into the universe.

There, I said it. (I know you disagree with me, AAG. Do you think I can be converted?)

~Janie

listening to: actually, nothing but the sound of my own typing. Not in a music mood yet.

life stuff: hair appointment day today! I love hair appointment day. I’ve been growing out again. I never posted a picture, but a year ago I cut my hair short and went blonde. I’ve been growing out ever since. It was an experiment. Every time I’ve been blonde, people have mistaken me for younger than I am, so maybe I should keep doing it. Thing is, I don’t like it. (and yes, it is my natural hair color. I guess I just don’t feel like it’s me.)

I am just going to say it: I love Lady Gaga. If you ever listen, her actual voice is quite good. She can sing. I don’t necessarily care for the style of her music, but that’s beside the point. The point is her awesome outfits, my favorite all-time of which is one that appeared at the Grammy Awards. Not when she was doing her duet with Elton John, but later. The one where she was carrying around a huge silvery ornament that went with it. And it looked like she had some bedazzled skating tights on over her Nina Ricci heel-less shoes. I am sorry, but that is purely awesome.

And in other news, I can’t stand Taylor Swift. Not personally, it just makes me crazy that she can’t actually SING and she’s winning everything left and right. Ugh. Ok, she’s pretty, I get that. But this is the Grammys, not America’s Next Top Model.

In other news, my oldest daughter turns 18(!) this month. She just finished her last highschool class, with a 98%. And she has no idea what she wants to do now. I am going to train her in using Quickbooks, so she can at least have a part time job doing Elliott’s books and then I won’t have to. More time to spend here, which I am finding myself enjoying.

The girls could not be more different in almost every way. Sometimes I find myself amazed that they have the same two parents, and grew up together under the same roof. My middle daughter, who is turning 17 next month, is already taking college courses and planning to marry her boyfriend of 4 years the second she turns 18. (well, not the second. A month after. yes, welcome to my world.) Of course that gives her a full year to change her mind, but somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen.

I think they are polar opposites in almost every way. I deeply enjoy being around both of them, though. As for the oldest, as long as she’s working and/or in college, I’m happy. I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I was 18 either. Hell, half the time I don’t know what I want to do NOW, and I’m 40.

Anyhow, survived yesterday and today is a day mostly off, or at least from 1 of 3 jobs. No shop today. Finished up a bit of accounting, cleared up another category on the site, and now I get to go walk the doggie with my massage therapist (and friend) and then have a nice relaxing massage and a quick bite with Elliott before he’s off to a class he’s taking 3 nights per week. 2010 is apparently the “year of self-improvement” for both of us. He’s getting his scuba instructors certificate AND his captain’s license. I’m going to learn how to do letterpress and re-start taking some painting classes. Oh, and I’ll probably go to a Dr. Sketchy’s soon! They are no longer just in New York!

~Janie

listening to: Ingrid Michelson, Everybody

site stuff: softcore is now cleared up of junk. Need to finish a couple of reviews later, but won’t have time until this evening.

It’s been awhile since I’ve done more than maintenance on the site (as you all know) because with the fabulous AAG writing the lion’s share of reviews, I took a little break. Now, as I get back to work, it’s sort of like a new experience again. Or some things are, and some things aren’t. On the one hand, as I go through the categories, removing and updating listings, I am surprised that I remember almost every single site. And of course there is a much higher percentage of dead listings that were bad reviews. The bad ones have a hard time staying in business, and not because of anything we write. There is just so much supply in the supply/demand of porn that you’ve got to have something pretty stellar to make it work.

Sometimes I find things that surprise me. Such as: when a former porn site with the url an almost unheard of performers name now goes to a fiberglass repair shop. Really? Angieryan.com goes to fiberglass repair? Then I kinda wonder: did a fiberglass shop sit around waiting for an expired porn domain in the hopes of getting traffic? Or was mr. fiberglass repair dabbling in porn before he decided to repair boats? Hrm.

And some of AAG’s old comments in reviews made me laugh out loud (and read them to Elliott) as I went along. A good example: The “lesbians” look about as enthused with their partners as would a herd of hungry antelope presented with a cheese pizza…in other words, confused and mildly annoyed. Heh. There are so many ways to describe bored pornstars. That wouldn’t have been one that came to my mind. :)

I keep seeing familiar names, and catching up with people I used to know via reading their blogs. Most people who’ve been around online as long as I have aren’t posting much either. Some still are. I’m finding that my feelings about porn are a little bipolar these days. I know so many people who truly enjoy making content that I like to forget about the ones who don’t. First, I happened upon the upcoming book by Paulie/Pauline, “Off the Set – Porn Stars and Their Partners“. Documentary style photographs of several couples in the industry that shows them as the fully-faceted and well-adjusted individuals that they are. Then, within the same hour, I read Susannah Breslin’s fully depressing take on the industry in her piece “They Shoot Porn Stars, Don’t They?” Wow, talk about a downer. And the thing is, both of these disparate views have truths in them.

I would expand, but here is my day today: now that I’ve spent two hours cleaning up another category on the site, I will spend a couple of hours doing accounting for our two other businesses, a couple of hours at my shop, dentist visit, then home for more accounting work and laundry. Sometimes I truly dislike having a totally broken up day.

~Janie

listening to: Brandi Carlisle – Give up the Ghost

Site stuff: spam gone, hardcore category fully cleaned up (only 13 dead links, it wasn’t too terrible.)

I hardly ever go to the movies anymore. Not sure why. I end up reading in the little bit of spare time I have, especially now that I have a Kindle. Still, Elliott and I found time last night to finally go see Avatar. In 3D of course. The first half hour of the movie I was sorta queasy from the 3D, but once I adjusted it was incredible. LOVED the special effects. And of course would kill to look as good as Sigourney Weaver when I’m 60. Actually, let me amend that. I’d kill to look as good right now, much less 20 years from now. heh.

Tonight I am hosting a wedding shower/bachelorette type thing for a good friend of mine. More of a low key girls-night-out really. It’s her first marriage, his 3rd. The reverse of me and Elliott. :) Of course I am definitely NOT doing any sort of stereotypical “girls gone wild” bullshit. (Although I will confess, I did tell her that a male stripper would be showing up, just for the reaction.) Just a few of us, wine and appetizers, hanging out. And then dancing after, although for me that will be watching, and listening to the music.

Tomorrow I am very much looking forward to a day of nothing on the schedule. It’s ridiculous when life is busy enough that you find yourself booking a dinner date with friends more than a month in advance.

Oh, speaking of dinner dates: a friend of mine got reservations for a bunch of us for Elliott’s upcoming 46th birthday at an almost-impossible to get reservations at place. The kind where you usually have to book a year in advance. I’d say what it is, but it’s a surprise and Elliott might read this. Dunno if he does or not, so any Elliott surprises can only be told after the fact.

I dreamed about Pandora last night.

~Jane

listening to: Downtown Church, Patty Griffin

on site today: cleaned out the review spam from the past 24 hours, and ran through the amateur compilations category. How sad I was to see that “Clown Blowjobs” was no more. Now it goes to a boring old regular blowjob site. *sigh*

So I know I mentioned in my last post that I was sort of having a meltdown and needed to go figure some things out. I am happy to say that I’m feeling a whole lot better.

I haven’t written about anything of any importance (to myself OR anyone else) in so long that I have no idea where to begin. I don’t know who is reading, what backstory they know or don’t, or anything else. So I’m just going to jump back in as if I’ve been here chatting all along, instead of reality: that I’ve taken most of the last 5 or 6 years off.

Meeting Elliott was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I felt safe for the first time in my adult life, which is what I think I was largely seeking in bdsm. And no, that doesn’t mean that I don’t still identify as kinky. I do. I just think that my reasons have changed – while it’s still what turns me on, it’s not as much about filling an emotional void as before. Anyhow, with that happiness came a kind of severe anxiety about losing it. And that’s what I’ve been dealing with for quite awhile now.

After my last little episode this month, I decided to try something new: hypnotherapy. I had mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I knew it worked because I tried it like a zillion years ago. I was having surgery, and my doctor asked if I wanted to try it for post-surgery recovery. I found it had pretty amazing results. On the other hand, I had a former partner who was interested in that field for some very fucked up reasons, and I had an unreasonable worry that that reflected on people interested in that profession. Silly, I know.

Anyhow, long story short, after a little bit of this I feel like I have finally resolved some of the things that have been holding me back for most of my adult life. I feel like I’m finally able to see, after a long period of everything being covered by a haze of anxiety and fear. :)

And with that comes getting back to work. On this site, which I never really wanted to leave behind.

I’ve gotten email of all kinds for the past year. Some people telling me the site sucks now, some people saying that and then offering to buy it (my advice: that’s like telling a woman she’s unattractive, then asking her out. Don’t tell me what I have is crappy, then offer to buy it. Make your own.)

I’ve also had people write all kinds of wonderful emails, because let’s face it: in the vast world of adult content, there is still a hell of a lot of value on my site. You won’t come here, click a review, and get stuck in a pornado. Well, unless you try to because we’ve written a review trashing something and you decide to click it anyway. heh.

So I’m hoping to get back to being productive after far too long just kind of skating along. And you know how I used to end each blog with what I was listening to and what I was reading? Well now I’m going to add what I did productive on the site today, too. I find that helpful in keeping myself on track, kinda like a to-do list does, when I get to check things off.

p.s. skiing was awesome, and so far Elliott and I are sticking to our November resolution of always having at least one weekend away from teenagers and pets. December was Vancouver BC. This past weekend was Seattle. February probably will be also, since I will not be going anywhere near the Canadian border during the Olympics.

~Janie

reading: Where the Love God Hangs Out – Amy Bloom (on my Kindle. Have I mentioned how I love my Kindle? it’s ridiculous how much)

site stuff today so far: went through the amateur category and removed 25 dead listings. Wow. Oh, and wrote to Jen n Dave, who are still there after 15 years!

Sorry for the delay in posting anything – the past couple of weeks, I kind of just lost it. Trying to juggle everything (too many plates in the air), a bit of depression (chemical, I do believe, as life is just fine) and massive influx of family staying a couple of days for a late holiday.

But, I’m off to ski for a few days in beautiful Canada, regroup, and hopefully be back better than ever shortly.

happy 2010 everyone!

~Jane