Mon Jan 9, 2006
I’ve been pondering the idea of doing a sort of weekly “column” that would be rather like my old journal, but topic-specific – the subject being coming out of the closet, but as mostly monogamous. Those longterm readers of mine know that my previous relationship with a polyamorous one, which eventually ended in a fiery crash and burn. I’ve chosen to become what I call “mostly monogamous”, and the reasons are extensive. While I have found that many people online write about transitioning from monogamy to polyamory, I’ve yet to find one about going the other way.
For some reason the whole idea is fraught with worry for me though. I think the reason for that is that the subject is just so loaded on both sides. It’s easy to feel as if there are two “sides”, when the very idea is ridiculous. Whatever works for any particular couple or individual is just what works, period. I have no vested interest in convincing anyone that they’d be better off with either lifestyle – and yet, I often find my own feathers ruffled when I’m reading someone poly and I interpret them as saying that choice is somehow more enlightened than my own. I do read stuff often that makes it sound as if poly people consider themselves somehow better at communication, or more capable of love, than those who don’t make that choice. But again, I’m putting my own baggage on that, so it’s all interpretation.
As for why I worry about writing about the choice to be monogamous, I guess I don’t want the people that I consider friends in my community to feel as if I’m somehow dissing polyamory.
So anyhow… I’m trying to think of how to write about it, and what and why. I know there are other people out there like me, who tried it and for whatever reason didn’t want to do it anymore. And there has to be some reason it’s so difficult to write about, which is part of why I’m finding it compelling.
In other news, I have a new columnist coming to JanesGuide that will probably start writing first. That’d be the hilarious and wonderful Monk, who will be writing about bondage, poly and other assorted things in a weekly column slated to start in a couple of weeks. I think you’ll enjoy his writing and point of view. I’m excited to have him joining us. Look for it before the end of the month!