Yesterday in the car, Elliott and I were discussing porn on the way into Seattle. Basically, he’d looked at some videos and watched some content that squicked him enough that he just had to share. I won’t get into exactly what, except that it violated every tenet of safer sex, and was basically just sorta yucky.

At any rate, we were talking about where that kind of porn came from, and why it is that it’s so difficult to find porn in which the woman (if it’s M/F sex) is actually getting off. Because in my experience, most men consider it pretty damn hot to watch a woman have an orgasm. I know Elliott enjoys that in porn, if he’s looking at porn, and definitely enjoys that in private. (and yes, I’m a lucky lucky girl to have that be my love’s big turn-on.) I also believe it’s got to be a wide spread thing, because otherwise adult personals wouldn’t be so filled with men looking for women to pleasure orally. I swear to you that has to be at least half of the men seeking ads, or at least it was when last I read such things a few years ago.

So why is it then that mainstream porn still has such a hard time breaking out of the “once the man comes it’s all over and who cares about the woman’s pleasure” box? I mean yes, there are notable exceptions. And if you pay attention, you’ll notice that the performers who are winning at the AVN awards the last couple of years have been female porn stars who actually ARE happily appearing to have massive orgasms for the camera. Like Chloe, or Tristan Taormino, or Cytherea?

I guess what it comes down to for me is that I wish ALL porn, regardless of it’s orientation or kink, had a focus on everyone in it having a good time. It can be done, it is done in almost every genre by at least a few people. But the extent to which it’s NOT done in mainstream het-oriented porn is one of the things that gives het guys a bad name. Being married to a thoughtful and wonderful het man, I think it’s a shame that so much of what is available to porn consumers shows men in a particularly unflattering light.

~Jane

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