This morning I was browsing a relatively new blog that was submitted for a review, and somewhere in there was this observation:

we try pretty much everything, and that extends to toys. I’ve never been with anyone before that was into much more than flavored/warming lube, or maybe ice cream. I’ve never busted out my vibrators, or dildos, or discussed buying paddles and gags and strap ons. Even in today’s day and age, I feel toys are still relatively taboo, particularly in heterosexual relationships.

It sorta made me realize that it’s a topic I’ve been meaning to blog about for some time, and never quite get around to. I think I’ve maybe said a couple of things in passing, but never really much. I think the above observation, especially in regards to het relationships, is dead-on. My dear sweet Elliott, however, is not afraid of sextoys. Rather, I think he likes using them on me as much as I enjoy them being used. There is a couple that we’re good friends with, who are well aware of what I do for a living. They, like most of the “vanilla” (oh how I hate that word, but I don’t know what else to use) people in my social circle, are totally cool with it, even as they think it’s somewhat an oddity. So awhile back we were having dinner and the subject of my job came up. I mentioned the awesome Minx that I had to review, and they honestly thought that I was only doing it because it was work! hah! (You people have no idea how many orgasms AAG and I have in the name of giving you all good information. We’d NEVER do it if it wasn’t a JOB.)

Anyhow, the rare occasions when we’re with friends close enough that the subject of sex ever does come up and either of us mentions toys, the following occurs:

1. the male half of the couple makes some joke about how Elliott must not be “enough” for me and
2. the female half of the couple coos to the male half of the couple about how she’d never need a TOY because he’s all that and a bag of chips.

I honestly think the above is how people think they are supposed to feel, and it’s sad because they have no idea what they’re missing. Even with the last decade bringing about more high-end, high quality and gorgeous sex toys that ever before, still the stigma is there that somehow if you need (or want) to use anything other than your hands/tongue/cock/cunt that somehow you’re lacking.

I just have to call bullshit on that. Like food, sex is a necessity. Nobody thinks anything of making food an elaborate ritual. We go to great lengths sometimes to set a mood, set a table with a ridiculous amount of tableware, glassware, linens and candles. Because although it’s a necessity to eat, it’s just that much MORE when embellished, savored, lingered over. Why can’t people look at sex that way? It’s good in all it’s forms, from the fast-food drive-through quickie blowjob stolen in the five minutes before rushing out the door to work, to the all-day-lazy-Sunday pull out all the stops (and toys) feast.

No shame in that.

~Jane