Wed May 14, 2008
Yow. This week’s topic for SexyMama blog is interesting, it’s “desire” – as in, how to keep it even with sleep deprivation, stress, hormones and anything else that might be going on. Happily for me, the days of sleep deprivation are long gone, but oh my do I remember the period of time during which I got about 2 hours sleep a night. Being a single mom at the time, of 1, 2 and 3 year olds, with a soon-to-be ex who wasn’t participating in the childcare, it was ROUGH. It sucked. I couldn’t actually get in a car and drive for more than a mile or so without starting to doze off.
Nowadays it’s not sleep getting in the way, it’s privacy (sharing a home with 3 kids and 6 pets leaves very little uninterrupted time), stress, and most recently the added physical exertion of training for a triathlon. The physical activity is actually good, and I know it’s not just me, it’s pretty much proven that exercise leads to higher libido levels. Still, sometimes my body is pretty tired out, so I suppose then I can just communicate with Elliott “hell NO, I’m not going to be on top, my legs are shot”. Heh.
I wish I had a good cure-all for what to do when one of the above is getting in the way. The most obvious thing is to say “hey, make a little time for yourself” – but I do realize that most of us consider time for ourselves a luxury. It’s taken me several years to get over the mindset that if I’m not constantly doing things for either the kids or the husband, I’m somehow not doing enough. Now, I’ve fully embraced the idea that a happier and more relaxed me is the best thing I CAN give them. If I need it, I can say to Elliott “hey, I’ve just got to have a couple of hours – can you do x, y or z?” Sometimes he can, sometimes he can’t, since we’re both pretty busy, but we definitely TRY to help each other out, and encourage each other to have downtime.
I’m sure a zillion sex/relationship advice books say that – but there’s a reason: it’s totally valid advice. A long time ago, when I was in a relationship when my kids were that young, when I was sleep deprived, hormonal and stressed out, I found the time where I could: in the drive over to meeting the then-partner. I’d get a babysitter, and I’d have a half hour of driving to switch gears from stressed out mommy to sexual, hopefully interesting woman. That was the only “me” time I had back then, but I took it and it worked.
On another note, I have a lovely little getaway kit from Babeland to give away to a reader: it has massage oil, bath fizzies, little travel candles, lube, a cute little vibe, a condom – all the little accouterments one might need for when the mood does strike. Leave a comment, and I’ll happily pick a random reader to send it out to.
You know what I need help with anymore? desire to write. I’m having an easy enough time with sex, but writing? feh.