I’ve been reading a few various blog posts about sexual identity. Mollena wrote one about using “vanilla” as a pejorative. ShannKatz.com had a post on a similar note that referred to Mollena’s. I had started to write the other day about sexual identity/labels but could never get my thoughts quite together enough to finish it.

I will say though that it is all about SELF-identity.

Take the following story: My dearest friend Natasha has a job in a somewhat conservative area. She self-identifies as a bdsm bottom (somewhere in the spectrum, although we don’t talk as much as we used to about our evolving kinkiness) and she’s not “out” at work. One day while socializing outside the office with co-workers, one of them breathlessly confided about how kinky she was.

Natasha, of course, said “Oh really? Go on….

My boyfriend and I like to play this game. I get all dressed up, with nice lingerie underneath, and I go into a bar and sit alone. Then in a little bit, my boyfriend comes in. He pretends to be a stranger, who hits on me. Then we leave together.

As Natasha said when relating this to me, “I’m just glad I didn’t go first.

~Jane

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