Comments on: more on bdsm and abuse

By: Morticiah

Morticiah — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 12:09:24 +0000

This touched me in ways I can’t explain. Thank you for sharing it.

I’ve been there.

Am only 1 year into ‘recovery’ and in some ways, I still miss the ‘good’ him every single day. But the emotional abuse turned me into someone that wasn’t ME.

Because he could never understand that he could be responsible for some of the problems, the only way I could get the relationship ended was to take all responsibility for everything that was wrong in his life, in our relationship. Every single thing. And then walk away, cut all contact and never ever see him again. Or the people that believe his version of events.

I’m on the road to recovery, but it’s hard. Still get the ‘Dread’ moments, still feel the anxiety, sometimes have flashbacks :-( but when that happens I’m learning to take a moment and focus on the new friends in my life.

I wish you all the best.

By: cagoulion

cagoulion — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 16:42:02 +0000

It’s a shame that in time the BDSM community has become a bit more insular and has a tendancy to shoot the messenger. It is however the truth that people will get into just the same difficulties in BDSM relatinships as any other.

Someone able to manipulate another can do that in power relationships just as easily, or possibly even more easily, if they are an accomplished manipulator. Such people never blame themselves and your main principles outlined above ring true for anyone to ask. Are you being isolated from other support and or are you blamed for negative things in your partners “world”. Both should set off blue lights in your head.

A good piece and I hope you are now in the relationship you deserve. I’m sure most BDSMrs would agree with you as would most intelligent non BDSM people.

Regards

Cag

By: Ezzie

Ezzie — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 16:24:37 +0000

Hi Jane. The last bit of that reminds me of when I told my husband, calmly and dispassionately all of the things that he did that made me feel frightened, ugly and uncared for. When I’d finished he looked at me, genuinely puzzled and said “But I’m happy.” That lack of comprehension is terrifying when you come up against it and I’m glad you were able to move away from it, as I was. I celebrate my strength now but it has taken a long time.

Oh, and it wasn’t even a bdsm relationship, although I suspect that my submissive nature made me an easy target for him.

By: Vamp

Vamp — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 06:55:45 +0000

A gutsy, honest, and very good piece of writing.

By: Fruit Taster

Fruit Taster — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 02:26:45 +0000

Very humbling words. I’m in no position to be able to say anything else. You are a model that I hope others will follow.

By: aag

aag — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 00:33:58 +0000

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I admire your courage in writing it, and I very much hope that the process of sharing it and reading feedback will help you.