I’m kind of bouncing off the walls a bit, because tonight is my actual first voice lesson. After more than a decade of wanting to take lessons, I finally got over my fear and signed myself up. Does that sound silly, to have massive fear of doing this? Or maybe fear isn’t the right word, maybe it’s just anxiety because singing out loud, unaccompanied by a radio is so outside of my comfort zone. But like I put in an earlier post, the untimely deaths of a couple of friends really did make me stop and consider “if not now, when?

So tonight is the night. They may or may not take me on as a client, it’s almost like an audition of sorts. I’m sure if they don’t, they can refer me to someone else, so I will try to stay positive. The thing that sucks (for me, at least) about singing is that when I’m nervous about it, I sound worse. I mean so does anyone singing, but knowing that causes more nerves and then it’s just a vicious circle.

When I was speaking to the voice coach on the phone, I was asked what exactly I wanted out of things. It’s funny, because for me it’s not a desire to be famous, to do it for a living, or anything else. I’d be happy just finding a community of people who love music as much as I do, and occasionally participating, whether it’s in front of 5 people or nobody. So I guess what I’m looking to get out of it is simply to get better at it.

This is a far cry from my daughter, who intends to go to music school in Los Angeles this Fall. Now SHE wants to be a singer for real, for a living. I think she gets a love of singing from me, and a love of performing (which I don’t have) from her father. He’s not an actor, which is sad. He actually turned down a 50% theater scholarship back when he was fresh out of high school, and I have to wonder if he still regrets it. But anyhow, she does get a dramatic streak from him. :)

I am feeling a new era of creativity in my life right now, from this, to painting, to jewelry making. Would that I could put some of it towards web design, but I’m just not feeling that at the moment.

Anyhow, wish me luck. I hope tonight is fun.

~Jane

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