The Original Toibocks from Toibocks.com looks just like a jewelry box.  It looks like a perfectly innocent jewelry box unless you know the secret of how to open it, which I’m not going to tell you.

I know we’d all like to have a small arsenal of sex toys set out on our nightstands so that whenever the mood struck we could dive right in without a moment’s hesitation.  That would be wonderful.

Unfortunately, real life contains things such as mothers in law and curious children, not to mention the occasional plumber or roofing contractor who must have access to the bedroom.  I don’t know about your plumber, but mine would heckle me roundly if he ever came across one of my large, veiny dildos.

So necessity dictates that we keep our sex toys out of sight when we’re not using them.  Solutions abound for those who have a place to store a storage box discreetly, but if you need to hide your toys in plain sight, the Original Toibocks is one of the best options.

My partner and I marveled over the Toibocks on the day it arrived.  I told him what its purpose was and challenged him to figure out how to open it.  He admired the pretty wooden exterior and the felt-lined bottom, complete with little rubber feet to prevent scratches.  He opened the lid and commented on how tasteful the top tray appeared, with its three smooth compartments which could be filled up with watches, rings or other adornments.

And then he attempted to lift the top tray.  Of course it wouldn’t come up, because this is the magic of the Toibocks.  The top tray will not lift up unless you know how to trip the lock.  I didn’t tell my partner how, but I certainly did enjoy watching him experiment.  He was not able to deduce the secret; even when I provided hints, he remained flummoxed.

In short, if you don’t read the included instructions, you will not be able to lift the top tray and expose the hidden compartment beneath.  You’d probably think that the tray was just stuck, which is good for those situations where someone might be tempted to fiddle with a visible locking mechanism ’til they broke it by force.

The Original Toibocks won’t provide sex toy storage for your entire collection.  It will, however, do just fine for keeping your most favored (or perhaps your most pervy) toys close by the bed for easy access when you need it the most.  If packed carefully the product will hold a couple of dvds, lube, and perhaps four or five average dildos or vibrators.

My suggestion?  Present the Original Toibocks to your lover this Valentine’s Day.  Tuck an extra-special something in the hidden compartment.  Lingerie would be nice.  So would tickets to a sporting event.  Give your lover the opening instructions and see how long it takes before the lock clicks open.

I took a little break from partnered sex; by the time I decided that it was high time for the break to end, my legs and girl-parts looked like they belonged to a hibernating grizzly bear. The Newf Brand shaving products I’d been sent for review were about to get a hard-core test.

Newf Brand founders Tiffany and Stefan believe in an organic approach to creating skin-care products. They use as many natural ingredients as possible and promise not to test their creations on animals.

They ship in discreet brown boxes that give no indication of what you’ve purchased. Relax, your postal carrier will not leave a box on your doorstep that screams, “Coochie shaving supplies inside!” Each product is packaged in a deep blue plastic bottle with a pump top and is labeled in a low-key manner with the product’s ingredients and directions.

As per the instructions, I started by smoothing a thin layer of Venerous Shaving Oil over the body parts in question. The oil worked best when I squirted it into my hand; it’s thin enough that it was hard to get the oil into all my nooks and crannies with the squirt bottle itself. I noticed no real smell to the oil, and it felt great on my skin.

Next I tried to pump out some of Venerous Shaving Jelly onto my leg. Unfortunately, it was just too thick to dispense through the provided pump. No worries…I screwed off the pump top, glooped out a blob onto my leg and rubbed it in.

Shaving progressed quite nicely with both products on my body. The results were very smooth, and the Venerous Shaving Oil left my skin feeling nicely moisturized. Just for kicks, I tried shaving the other leg with only the Oil, forgoing the non-pumpable Jelly. The Oil by itself gave me comparable results and left me feeling just as moisturized.

After denuding everything possible in the shower, I stepped into the cool bathroom air to finish the job. More Oil and a fresh razor took care of my most private bits in fine style. I was really pleased with the results.

After toweling off, I tried out the Venerous Mountain Mist all over. This product is meant to soothe freshly-shaved skin, and I found that it did an admirable job. The scent of the Mist was really nice too; I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what I was smelling, but I liked it enough that I used it liberally all over my body.

In subsequent showers, I’ve also used Venerous Shaving Oil for all-over moisturizing. Since its oil based, it’s really nice to put on in the warm spray of the shower and it stays put even after toweling off.

I loved the results I got from the Venerous Shaving Oil and Mountain Mist. The Jelly was a disappointment, not only because it was too thick for the pump but also because it seemed it seems completely unnecessary if you’re using the other two products.

If you have the Wahl 7-in-1 from Babeland, you must get this attachment. I mean it now.

The seven attachments that come with the Wahl are lovely, but really, they are meant to be used for actual body massage, and I mean the kind of “body massage” where you rub your shoulders, not the kind of “body massage” that’s a euphemism for masturbation. Because those attachments weren’t designed for use on the genitals, they can be a little hard.

The Wahl Spot Tip Attachment was devised by some enterprising soul intent on providing a more cushy surface for rubbing up against your clit. It’s made of smooth blue vinyl and fits tightly over the attachment post on the Wahl.

When you first turn on the Wahl with this new tip in place, you’ll notice that it rattles alarmingly on high speed. Rest assured that once the Spot Tip is pressed against your clit, the rattling will disappear almost completely.

I would be seriously concerned about my ability to do anything other than masturbate if the Spot Tip worked any better than it does. It’s ever so much softer than any of the Wahl’s included tips. I was temped to throw away the original tips after testing the Spot Tip the first time, but good sense prevented me from doing so. However, I did stick them deep in the back of my closet. I won’t be using them again any time soon.

Wash the Spot Tip after use with soap and water. I’ve used mine with a water-based lube, which increases the pleasure exponentially.

I will repeat myself. If you have the Wahl, you need this attachment.

So let’s just say that you’re planning on buying your sweetie a string of anal beads, but you’re a little nervous about giving a gift that screams (essentially), “Stick me up your ass!”

You could get some flowers to go along with the beads, I suppose, but Babeland just came up with a better idea.

Truffles. Not just any old truffles, ohhhh no. These are truffles decorated with some of Babeland’s best-selling toys, including anal beads.

How flippin’ cool is that. I can’t think of any better way to round out a sex toy purchase than with chocolates, especially perhaps for someone who might need to warm up to the idea of a toy.

Flavors include angel food, gingerbread, orange, malted milk, banana, German chocolate, devil’s food, cherry, and mint. The designs on the truffles are of the aforementioned anal beads, a wand-style vibrator, a rabbit vibrator and a cock ring. Two of each design come in the box; the last lone candy bears the Babeland logo.

I found all of the flavors to be quite nice, but the gingerbread and orange especially tickled my fancy. It was just the slightest bit weird to eat a piece of rich, dark chocolate imprinted with a picture of anal beads, but hey, I got over it.

Really the only way these could be better is if they came with a discount for one of the pictured toys. Just imagine: 10% of a cock ring with the purchase of a box of Bliss Truffles. How about it, Babeland?

The idea behind the Pleasure Bead System (or of any vaginal balls, for that matter) is quite simple. A heavy ball sits inside of a larger, hollow ball; as you move around with the balls inside the vagina, the heavy ball keeps on moving (there’s the inertia) when you stop or change direction. This makes the heavy ball knock up against the outer ball—and by extension, against the walls of the vagina.

And it feels really really good.

Not only does it feel good, but it’s also good for you. The pelvic muscles must work to keep the balls inside. As you walk, run errands, swim, dance, bake cookies, or anything else, the muscles contract repeatedly. This should over time give greater control over vaginal tightness.

This toy is presented in Lelo’s inimitable style: a rich black box holds a silicone girdle, two sets of interchangeable balls, instructions and a black carrying bag. The pink balls are lighter while the blue balls are heavier. This is one toy that really needs the included instructions.

Unlike less expensive vaginal balls, the Lelo Pleasure Bead System has a lot of options for use. Someone who has recently delivered a child vaginally or who is otherwise concerned about vaginal tone can use only a single pink ball in the silicone girdle. As strength increases, an additional pink or blue ball can be added. Eventually both blue balls can be used for the most challenging vaginal workout.

I found it quite easy to exchange the balls in the silicone girdle. They click satisfyingly into place yet pop out easily when you are done. The retrieval string is a nice (though not necessary) touch. It is securely molded into the body of the ball, so you don’t need to worry about it breaking.

However, there’s really no danger of the balls going astray even without the cord. They will not get lost in the vagina, trust me. If for some reason the cord cannot be reached, just push gently with your pelvic muscles (they’re strong now from all the exercise) and they’ll come right out.

I hope it goes without saying that these beads are ONLY for vaginal use, right? Good.

A trip to the grocery store was on my evening’s agenda, so I decided to spice things up by wearing the beads. I found them quite easy to insert with just a dab of lube on the leading bead. The instructions suggest that you lie down for easier insertion, but I assumed my traditional putting-in-a-tampon stance of one foot up on the edge of the tub. This worked just fine for me.

I’d noticed earlier that I could hear the inner ball bouncing against the outer ball when I shook them hard in my hands. I was curious to see if I could hear the same thing with the balls inside. I could hear a very faint thumping (and it felt awesome!) but I seriously doubt that anyone else would wonder what was that strange noise coming from my pants.

The drive to the grocery store was fuckin’ wonderful. I loved braking because (inertia alert!) the balls knocked against the front wall of my vagina, right against my g-spot. I sought out the route with the most stop signs to take advantage of this phenomena. Turning corners was also fun.

As tempting as it was to drive around all night with a happy clanking in my pants, eventually I did arrive at the store. Walking was also entertaining. I enjoyed the secret thrill of g-spot stimulation out in public.

Later, as I sat at my desk writing, I practiced Kegels with the beads in place. These were considerably more challenging with the extra pressure of the beads. When finally I took them out, I found myself pleasantly slippery and ready for a good hard fucking.

The Pleasure Bead System comes with a one-year manufacturer’s warranty. Nice job, Lelo. Yet another classy product designed for maximum pleasure.

Usually a plain white cotton bra suffices wonderfully for trips to the grocery store, meetings with schoolteachers and appointments with the children’s doctor, even though he is utterly adorable and I’d like nothing more than to hustle the kids out of the room and let him examine me for a change.

But that would be wrong.

(please note that the picture here is not actual size, just a representation of a few of the colors and styles available)

Occasionally, however, I am able to cast aside my role as The Mother and delve into some more adult adventures, such as going out on dates or even meeting up with a man for a romantic interlude. It was with just such an evening in mind that I placed an order for a couple of pairs of Nippies from the California-based retailer Bristols 6.com.

Nippies are cute little nipple covers, designed to be worn under sheer clothing for modesty’s sake or alone for a decidedly naughty appearance. At the moment Bristols6 shows 18 styles of Nippies, ranging from basic black crosses, reminiscent of those worn by strippers in conservative establishments; all the way to sequined butterflies and cherry-covered hearts. Some seem meant to disappear against your skin tone (creme, caramel and black lacy hearts, for example) while others definitely want to attract attention. There’s even a selection of pale blue and purest white Nippies for use under wedding gowns.

Each type of Nippies is available in two sizes: a smaller size for A and B cups, and a larger size for C and D cups or extra coverage for smaller-breasted women. As a woman blessed with more than her share of succulence in the breast department, I ordered the larger size and hoped for the best.

My Nippies arrived in a cute little envelope that looked like it held a greeting card. Inside, the Nippies were packaged in a small cardboard envelope. Each set you order comes with four Nippies (enough for two wearings, if you intend to cover two breasts each time) along with four cotton nipple protectors and two small test patches.

There are also ample instructions. While the adhesive on Nippies is medical-grade, Bristols 6 suggests that you test your sensitivity to the product by wearing one of the small test patches on your chest for several hours. They discourage use of Nippies on any inflamed or otherwise sensitive skin.

I was rarin’ to go, so I attempted to peel the protective backing off the first test patch and give it a whirl. I failed. The patch resisted all my attempts to remove the protective backing from the adhesive without also removing the adhesive. I discarded it and tried the other one. I wore that patch for several hours, then removed it and went to bed.

Well, I thought I’d removed it. I found in the morning that I had not removed the test-patch before bed-time, which meant that I wore it for many hours longer than Bristols6 recommends. Oops. When I did remove the patch, my skin was very faintly red underneath–but not at all sore.

I was not concerned enough about the slight irritation to give up on my Nippies-wearing plans, so later that day, I donned them before a date. The covers were fairly easy to position and did provide good coverage for my purposes.

Suffice it to say that when my date discovered the naughty secret hiding beneath my top, he lost no time in gently peeling them off of me. This process wasn’t any more uncomfortable than removing a bandage. Of course most people aren’t also getting kissed and felt-up when they remove bandages, tho I’d highly recommend it for discomfort reduction.

Nippies would be awesome under a flirty, sheer top or something low cut. They’d be fun to try under lingerie as another layer of tease. I do recommend using the test patch; even though Nippies uses medical-grade adhesives, if you’ve got a sensitivity, you’d want to find this out somewhere else than on your nipples.

According to the description on Babeland’s site, you are meant to read the book (Violet Blue’s The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn ) before you watch the two included movies.

Oh! Book before movies!

My bad. I watched the movies first.

The first movie I got my hot little hands on, Jack the Zipper’s Stuntgirl , is a frenetic, dirty dirty dirty low-budget fuck-fest that gave me an instant girlie-boner. There’s no lame acting. No satiny-smooth bodies. No “making love.” It’s all sex: sweaty, dirty-talking, athletic and oh-so-nasty. There are hetero scenes, some girl-girl action, and a little bit of anal for the ass-lovers amongst us. All the scenes seem to be filmed through a colored lens, which adds an eerie sense of unreality to the film. Clothes ripped off, grunting, fingers in mouths, hands wrapped around necks, fingers clawing into backs–this little film looks like real lustful rough sex. I loved it.

I know that a few people will not like Stuntgirl . It’s just too rough and tumble a movie for some folks; the heavy soundtrack, edgy editing and dark sex will be off-putting for them. So it’s a nice contrast that the Babeland Porn Starter Kit contains a movie that’s pretty much the opposite of Stuntgirl.

Velvet Thrust, directed by Giovanni, is a couples-only movie. You won’t see any girl-girl scenes, much less any boy-boy scenes (which is a pity). There’s very little talking but plenty of shots slowly trailing over smooth, gorgeous bodies. This film is meant to appeal to women who want to see hunky men. The male stars are quite gorgeous, and you’ll get to see plenty of their hunky physiques and impressive penises. As far as the sex goes…eh. It’s slow and centered on pleasing the women. There’s a sterile background music track (I’d prefer to hear the actors talking to one another) and completely predictable locations (shower, car, bed).

The best part of this film for me was a scene where the male lead used a masturbation sleeve for self-pleasure as his partner looked on. His well-lubed cock slid through a tight silicone tube while fires burned in the background. Hot.

Violet Blue’s excellent exploration of all things porn rounds out this package. The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn is required reading for anyone who’d like to know more about the porn industry, whether they are absolute porn virgins or well-seasoned veterans of watching these films. She discusses the various types of porn available (including a nice section on the difference between girl-girl porn and lesbian porn), misconceptions about porn, adult film terminology and protocol, and even a list of fun games to play while you watch your favorite film. I’ve been watching porn for more years than I’d like to admit, and even I learned several new things from this informative book.

The Babeland Porn Starter Kit would make a nice present from one partner to another. Put the book on your lover’s pillow (restrain yourself from watching the movies first, as I did), wait for him (or her) to say, “Wow, we really should watch some porn together,” then whip out one of the two movies. I can almost guarantee that you’ll have an explosive evening.